this is my life

...am I who I want to be?

Good oldie song and good question for where I am right now.
I'm working on this Bachelors in English, I'm giving my thoughts about music and worship to a church that I love, I'm living with my best friends...
Yet, is this it?

I am content with where I am for now because I am living what I call "The Inevitable": I will be in college until I graduate; I will only give my opinions until God tells me to step into my calling; I will live with friends until I either live on my own or get married.
I am content.

However, I get these little glimpses into the future that send my mind and heart whirling: doing the dishes in a kitchen not my own; editing a twenty-five-page paper by Friday (for fun); taking some girls on a date.
The life I anticipate comes to me in little wafts: I can smell it distinctly when it's near, but its passing is so short that the smell does not linger long enough to enjoy it.

I had a tea party with some amazing girls on Saturday and enjoyed the heck out of myself. I haven't had big girl fun time in a long time, but I didn't realize how much I enjoyed it until I was walking away from it.
Life gets in the way of living. I know I've heard that said before, but I don't know where or why; however, I know it's true. The mundane, day-to-day activities of work, school, cleaning and sleeping get in the way of developing/maintaining quality relationships, of writing (in a blog for no reason but to write), of reading. Those three things are what I miss about living.
I have a wonderful life full of intriguing classes that are teaching me where I want to go with this degree, but I miss out on the simplest things: my baby sister's first high school cheerleading competition, eating lunch with my cousin in Dallas, hearing the talents at my youth group.
I miss it, but I want to be a part of it.

I want to give a solution to this problem, a reason for this stream of consciousness; but I don't have one.
So, I'll keep going about my day-to-day, planning what I can plan and adjusting what doesn't fit. Hoping that one day at the end of this college career, I can reminisce on the good times with the people I feel privileged to call my friends and family.


Mushy, yah. Just feeling that way.
Maybe I'll post something again...sooner.